What can *you* do?

​At some level, we all know this, but maybe it’s not something we’ve thought about much: relationships are so important to our happiness that the quality of our relationships affects our quality of life. This is especially true of relationships with the people we love the most and spend the most time with. If we want to have better lives, one of the surest ways to do this is to work to improve the quality of even one or two of our most important relationships. This week we’ve been looking at St. Paul’s advice on love and relationships, which comes down to one simple principle: focus on what you can do, what you can control--take responsibility for what depends on you in the relationship. If we want a relationship to get better, we need to stop thinking about what the other person should or shouldn’t have said, about how they should change, about what they should do differently. Love doesn’t keep lists of all the ways I’ve been wronged, all the times the other person hurt me. Love doesn’t rush to point out the other person’s faults. Instead of brooding over injuries and keeping lists, instead of seeking its own interests and protecting itself, love tries to find ways to give more. Our relationships get better when we stop trying to change them, and start trying to change us.

If you want to take a next step with this week’s message, here are three ideas:

1. Think about one relationship that makes your life better. What do you value and appreciate about that person and that relationship?
   
2. Think about one relationship in your life that’s difficult right now. What is one thing you can do this week to take responsibility for what depends on you in the relationship?
   
3. Think about a relationship where you wish the other person would do something differently--put more effort in, be more grateful, etc. Then, instead of asking or telling the other person to change, try to make that change in you instead.

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